Times of extraordinary uncertainty, like what we’re all experiencing now, are stressful. With the rise in unemployment, social and physical distancing, and negative news, we’re all struggling to cope. The lockdown orders issued by governors in states like North Carolina are a matter of public health and safety. But according to statistics, home is not always the safest place for every young person.
Although authorities around the country say that the child welfare system continues to operate, many local support systems cannot function fully as they once did. In the Triangle, school meal programs, which many families relied upon to feed their children, have ended because of the fear of spreading Coronavirus, for example. However, as a community, there are simple actions we can take to fill these gaps and protect vulnerable children and families.
Tips for Concerned Community Members
While we all must adhere to the rules about social distancing, it’s important to remember that being physically distant does not mean we need to be socially disconnected or isolated. In fact, if you work to maintain social connections with friends, family, and neighbors, you may help protect a vulnerable child.
1. Kindness goes a long way
If you look beyond the negative news about COVID-19, you will also see the outpouring of kindness from friends and neighbors. Neighbors have dropped off diapers for economically stressed families, written uplifting messages in sidewalk chalk, and put teddy bears in their windows for young children to find during their “bear hunts” through the neighborhood.
Even small acts of kindness—whether in the form of food, toilet paper, coloring books, or an empathetic ear can really make a difference in easing parents’ stress. Consider what small acts of kindness you can do in your community.
2. Use technology to connect with friends and neighbors
If you are concerned about a particular family, consider how you can use technology to ease their stress. For example, you can use Skype/Zoom/Facetime, etc. for virtual check-ins. This way you can look for signs of distress, but even more importantly, serving as a reassuring, reliable presence can be enough to ease the burden of a parent on the edge of burnout. You can also:
Host a virtual meal.
Attend a virtual concert, church service, or yoga class together.
Play an online game together or watch a family film using a party app.
It is a sad fact that both child abuse and domestic abuse increase during moments of crisis. Children who are being abused or neglected are more likely to go unnoticed without teachers and others to help them. Remember, anyone worried about the possibility of abuse or neglect can still contact the national child abuse hotline: 1-800-422-4423 or childhelphotline.org. Crisis counselors answer calls 24/7 and provide crisis intervention, information, and referrals.
Tips for Parents and Caregivers
Parents and caregivers have every reason to be stressed now. But there is never a good reason to abuse or neglect children. We owe it to the little ones under our care to focus on the positive and work to minimize the adverse experiences that can wound a child for life. Here’s how.
1. Manage Stress and Anxiety
First, knowing the facts and risks can help to reduce stress in yourself and others. Common Sense Media has tons of resources for de-stressing and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has suggestions for managing stress and anxiety. Once you’ve educated yourself, follow healthcare guidelines, and model preventative care for your kids.
Also, take time to answer your children’s questions, concerns, and fears. This is important not only to support their emotional and psychological well-being but also because a lot of “acting out” behaviors can be an expression of fear or a response to perceived fear in others.
Creating routine and structure can help manage stress too. Follow these tips and strategies to structure your day:
Temper your expectations and be kind to yourself. Remember, none of us is prepared for any of this. Anxiety, fear, grief, anger—these are all NORMAL reactions.
If you can’t get to the housework, don’t add this to your list of worries. Let the laundry and dirty dishes pile up. Forget about the kids’ messy rooms and look for things to be grateful for.
Embrace a state of rigid flexibility. Human beings of all ages thrive when we have predictable routines. Have your kids participate in making the daily schedule. But when the schedule gets derailed, go with the flow.
2. Look for ways to make learning fun
With the return to school before summer looking less and less likely, many parents are stressed about the loss of academic support for their kids. Plus, many parents are having a tough time homeschooling while working from home. Fortunately, learning comes in many forms. Consider these “outside-of-the-box” learning opportunities:
Cooking together can be a fun way to practice math and learn about science.
Yard work can teach us about nature and inspire creative art projects.
Reading together increases vocabulary, listening, and comprehension skills.
3. Take care of yourself
Above all, take care of yourself so that you can take care of the family. If you feel stress levels rising, give yourself a “time-out.” Go into a room by yourself and take some deep breaths, stretch, or meditate. It can be hard to find time to be alone when everyone is quarantined together but do not be afraid to ask for this for yourself.
Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals most of the time. But if you feel like splurging, treat yourself. Now is not the time to enforce strict dieting rules that feel like a punishment.
Exercise regularly, drink water, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs. When you make time to unwind in healthy ways doing activities you enjoy, you’ll be better equipped to weather the challenges of this pandemic or whatever else life throws your way.
Finally, if stress gets in the way of your daily activities several days in a row, call your healthcare provider. And if you are looking for more support around behavioral challenges with your children, The Exchange Family Center is still here serving the Durham area during this, especially difficult time. Contact us and we will do our best to help you find whatever resources you need.
If you or someone you know has questions or needs parenting support at this time, visit our website and refer them to a qualified therapist who can help!