6 Vital Things You Can Do to Boost Resilience in Your Kids

1. Provide structure

Children need to know what to expect and what is expected of them. Structure provides a sense of security and comfort and can reduce the sense of chaos that stress can bring. Creating structure can be as simple as establishing regular family routines (e.g., meal times, bed times, traditions like family game night). Structure also requires creating rules and expectations and applying them consistently. The effective parent lets his or her child know what is expected of them and what to expect if they don’t follow mom or dad’s rules.

2. Talk about emotions

Resilient children have a close, warm relationship with their parent or caregiver. These types of relationships help kids to feel secure particularly in the face of daily stress. Talking about emotions is key to fostering warm relationships. As a parent, they will look to you as a model for all sorts of behavior including emotional regulation. Feel free to express your own feelings, including anger and sadness. Talk about emotions expressed in the world around you. Lastly, talk to your kids about their emotions, both positive and negative. Talking with children about their feeling helps them to recognize and identify what they are feeling and how to regulate their own emotions effectively.

3. Model and discuss self-control and problem-solving

In addition to discussing emotions, the next key step is discussing how to appropriately express or release those feelings. You can do this by modeling the behavior for your child, including how to respond to anger. You can also play games that support self-control like musical chairs or red light/green light. You can share ways that you resolve problems, large or small, from making dinner to paying the bills. Encourage your child to think of solutions to problems as well. When they have a question or problem, help them to think through and discuss their own ideas before offering your suggestions right away.

4. Build their communication skills

Kids who have a strong understanding and use of language are more likely to have successful interactions. A strong vocabulary and correct language use have been linked to academic success in kids. You can encourage these skills a variety of ways. Talk to your kid about your day and ask them to recount their own day. Make up family stories where each family member gets to add their own plot twist to the story. Reading is fundamental. Read with your child every day if possible and take turns reading to each other. Even singing and dancing together can foster better communication skills.

5. Get involved with your neighborhood and community

Your neighborhood will serve as your child’s first encounter with the outside world. You can’t control everything in your neighborhood, but try to build and take advantage of the resources that are available to support resilience. This includes getting to know your neighbors who are an important source of support and social interaction and who can foster a sense of belonging and caring in the neighborhood. Take advantage of community resources like libraries, community centers, boys and girls clubs, faith-based institutions, and museums and parks. These venues offer a variety of learning opportunities, sports and educational programming, as well as entertainment that can positively support your child’s development.

6. Work with your child care provider or school

Look for a child care environment that mirrors the safe and nurturing environment that you have created at home.

Ideally, you should seek out child care providers who:

  • make your children feel safe, protected and valued,
  • show sensitivity to their needs and feelings,
  • interact regularly with them, and
  • play games that foster problem-solving, self-control and discussion of feelings and emotions.

Similarly, as your child gets older, look for a teacher who

  • shows a positive, sensitive and caring attitude toward your kid,
  • reinforces good behavior and good performance, and
  • doesn’t treat kids differently based on their background or test scores.

Also, look for schools that place an emphasis on attendance and that offer classrooms with mixed ability levels that provide options for student participation beyond just basic math or reading.


Malhomes, V. & King, R.B. (Eds.) (2012). The Oxford Handbook of Poverty and Child Development. New York: Oxford University Press